Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018

So its Boxing Day so before you know it, it'll be New Years eve. Yes I know I haven't blogged in a while. But in the new year I aim to get better at blogging and putting up videos. Cant promise anything but its a goal and I can dream.

Finally figured out how to do this... 

So it seems strange because last year was a great year for me and my family, but in terms of globally and everything though, not so much. It seems its a bit like it again this year. I have personally done great things this year. But for my family its been a bit of a crap one. And globally, well do I need to explain?

So looking back, its felt like a really long year. Its only in the past few months that its felt like this year is going so fast.

Where to start? Beginning of the year. Its crazy that only mid January did I decide to audition for the national youth theatre. Actually I think it was end of January. I booked my audition and I think I had a week and half to learn my monologue. I was really fortunate that I auditioned for my local college the year before and they gave me a set of monologues to choose from so I just reused that one. Terrible fact to admit and looking back it was such a fluke and not something I would recommend. I had never read the play in which it came from. I know, rule one of picking monologues. Read the play! I did do lots of research into the play. I think I was going to read it but couldn't get it from my local library until after my audition. I did a whole post on my audition, on all my auditions I did actually if you want to read. I plan to do more of those blogs as now we're getting into a new year I have got more auditions planned. I also want to do a video on the national youth theatre as I found myself looking for things like that.

February, March, April flew by, with auditions, failed auditions. A big change this year was I left the drama group I had been with for the last 2ish years. I'd like to say I left on a good note, but sadly not. But although that is the case, I will always have special memories and hold close that the time I was there changed my life for the better. In so many ways, I grew and found my passion.

So not long after I left identity, I was waiting on more auditions. I applied for chickenshed but didn't get in. I was on the waiting list though! And irronicaly on the same day I found out about chickenshed, that evening I got the email letting me know I got into the national youth theatre. In a way I wish someone recorded my reaction because I literally thought I wouldn't get in. I had auditioned and been turned down for pretty much all the auditions I had so wasn't expecting much. Considering the scale of NYT. But somehow I did, including the fact I didnt read the play. I thought I would be auditioning for a few years until I might get accepted. I was told and accepted that they don't normally take people on the first time. I just went to have fun.

Then came the months in between, raising money, receiving a bursary from the National Youth Theatre was when life started to become very difficult. Both of my parents became unwell. You hear people talking about poverty but you never expect it to hit you. Happens to other people.

So we went to London for a month, it was such a weird experience for me because although it wasn't like school, it was. I hadn't been in an environment like school for so long. With people my age, so many different personalities. I have never done that much exercise in my life. I'd like to say I have a better stamina and tolerance for exercise now.  I am so happy I made it through. I think part of my struggle was not knowing what to expect, I had never done anything like this. I didnt think I would get in. I didnt even have proper drama lessons at school. So when everyone was quoting Shakespeare or from a well known play. I felt a bit like a fish out of water. I've never done or read Shakespeare. Up until November this year I had never seen a play. Its something that I've always wanted to do but couldn't afford. But it was an experience I will never forget. It strengthened my want and need to perform. I want to spend my life doing it.
By being in London I even conquered one of my greatest fears/struggles - the tube. I have discovered I do have claustrophobia. But travelling is expensive in London and long if you don't go on the tube.
I wanted to go to Oxford street on my afternoon off and knew the quickest way to get there would be the tube. So through gritted teeth, literally I had a face like someone was forcing me to do it, I travelled on the tube and my mum, my brother and I had a great time on Oxford street & Chinatown.

Another thing I conquered this was liquid eyeliner. The amount of eyeliners I have bought hoping I could conquer it. No one will understand how hard eyeliner is if you can't do it. I mean up until a few years ago I had my mum doing most my makeup because I couldn't do it. So liquid eyeliner was the last thing to conquer, thankfully I don't bother with my brows because I guess I'm blessed in the eyebrow department. Lol. Sarcasm.

So we got back from London and I guess things returned to somewhat normality. I had my biggest audition to date. I was so nervous but I enjoyed every minute of it. I mean I think I'm quite good under pressure. My family might disagree. At the end of September I went to the Starfury - Clone Club convention. I loved it. Wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. I mean it was my idea of an ideal weekend. Talking about my favourite tv show with people that loved it as much as I did.

I also had my very first set of headshots done, which was a really weird experience. As I film videos and stick them on youtube though it wasn't as weird. I had my headshots done by a lovely lady called Elle Meadows. She also is an actress and has a youtube channel. It was really lovely because it was really chilled and relaxed. Which is exactly what I wanted.

Then things went quiet for a while, life kind of went back to normal. Christmas happened, it was a quiet Christmas this year. People say its not all about the money at Christmas but if you don't have money it can be pretty depressing.



This year I have seen so many shows and concerts. I went to see Paramore, I'm going to see them again twice in January. I saw Dreamgirls, Hamilton. I saw my first play Of Kith And Kin. I even saw my dream show role Heathers in workshop.


I also have finally gotten direct payments. Yes after two years. I'm dabbling with the idea of writing a blog post about it. It kicked in after we came back from the cvi society. Which was a big hit this year. It was lovely to see everyone again and meet new people. Put faces to names. I can't wait for next year's although I'm going to need to start brainstorming ideas for the next speech otherwise it'll never happen.


So looking back at resoloutions and goals, which I've discovered I cannot achieve my Goodreads goal. I dont know why.

So this year I don't really have any new years resolutions except1. Be happy 2. Do more charity work 3.Be more confident and believe in myself. Be kinder to myself.Yeah lets see if I can do those, Fingers crossed. I would of put read more books or get better at blog post deadlines but I want to actually hopefully keep to my new years resolutions, and I don't think I would be able to achieve those two. LOL!

I don't really do New Years resolutions, because I never normally stick to them. I like to make goals that I can actually achieve . Small targets that are important to me all year round.
I actually did pretty well on being happy. Not all the time but this year I have achieved so much and experienced so many things to be happy about. Doing more charity work, has been put on the backburner this year but I'm hoping next year I shall be doing something. Being more confident and believing in my myself. I'm getting there. I struggled with confidence whilst at NYT, I didnt understand why I was there. That all these people were better then me. Not saying I'm super confident about it all now but they must have seen something.
So yeah I want to work on them again next year. But also to take every opportunity with both hands and embrace it.


So all in all 2017 has been another strange year, in so many ways its been a great year. In terms of my health, experiences, doing so many things and taking the first steps into what I hope to make a career. But also its been a year of difficulty.
Hopefully 2018 will be another good year for me. If its even better then 2016 & 2017 combined then that would be even better but I'll settle for a good year.

I do plan to post more on here and on youtube, don't hold me to it though. I will try!
So goodbye 2017, hello 2018!

Until next time
Sophie

Of Kith And Kin - Review

Hi today I have something exciting. I went to see a show. A play. My first ever play. I admit I did think when are they going to break into song! I went with my mum and we met up with our friend Jean who we met through the CVI Society. We went to the bush theatre to see the play running there, until the 25th November if you want to go watch it, called Kith And Kin. We were lucky enough to be invited by Jean and her son, Chris, who is the playwright of the show. We were lucky enough to meet him before the show and have a chat. It was really interesting as before being a play writer, Chris was a social worker. Bit of a career change. But if you look at the shows he has wrote, you can see where elements of his carer as a social worker and his experiences with it have influenced his writing. As they say, write about what you know.

Of Kith and Kin is Chris's 3rd play, is 2hours long with a 20 minute interval. It follow a couple, Daniel and Oliver as they are throwing a baby shower, for their surrogate Priya. We see their friendship, they're best friends with Priya. Priya has been a surrogate before and has her own son. Everything is going well until an unxepected arrival at the front door arrives. Daniel's mum and what follows is families disagreeing and obivious underlying problems. A fight breaks out between the couple and Daniel assaults Oliver with his mum goading him. Priya standing in the corner in horror as to what is unfolding. When suddenly Priya goes into labour. I don't want to spoil the play so thats all I'm going to say because then we follow them after the fallout of what happened at the baby shower.

It was in a stage that was almost like a round stage. You had a square stage and a part of the audience each side except upstage. It was really cool and I found I liked the staging. It really showed if you were a good actor because there was no where to hide. There was no off switch. You had to really be in the moment and showing on your face. My mum said to me about how many lines they all had. And its true because the main 3, the actors who played Priya, Oliver and Daniel were onstage for pretty much every scene.

The actors in the show were very good, they really suited the characters and they really seemed to throw themselves into the characters. I also like the use of perhaps what would be considered older actors. Even though they aren't that old, you normally see fresh out of drama school, under 25's so it was nice to see the talent that is out there that isn't necessarily the stereotypical actor. It was a very small cast, 5 actors and one of the actress's who intially played Lydia, Daniel's mum, was double cast as another character. I won't say what the character is because it kind of gives a spoiler to the plot.

The lighting and the staging of the show was really cool. They used props to make it look like a room and to help reinforce where they were. The lighting was clever and how they used a curtain to move the story along with sound and visuals without needing a full scene. To progress the story through a scene transition was cool. Also with the way the audience was set up it almost felt as if you were just watching their lives, bit like say if you were watching Eastenders.

Overall I really enjoyed it and would go see another play. Definitely would go see another of Chris's work. I have found I much prefer the contemporary pieces, I have yet to see Shakespeare piece. I am glad I went to see this as my first play then something quite heavy as Shakespeare.

My mum and came out having quite enjoyed the show, the humour was good I found I felt the seats move because my mum was laughing. There is strong language, as word of warning but it didn't bother me. I really enjoyed it and really liked the bush theatre. I would definitely go there again.

If you want to go watch Kith and Kin, its on at the bush theatre until the 25th November, tickets start at £10. And again big thank you to Jean and Chris for inviting us!

Thanks for reading,
until next time
Sophie x

CVI Society Convention 2017

So its that time of year again. The CVI Society Convention 2017. This year my mum and I were joined by my brother and we drove because the train was double what it would cost in petrol and parking was free. This year it was in Bristol in the Futures Inn hotel and conference centre. We were also staying for longer, we got to the hotel the day before the convention and we went home the day after the convention which I enjoyed because last year we didnt really know anyone apart from Janet and it seemed like we were just getting into the swing of it by the time we went home. This year like last year we had dinner with everyone the night before. We also had dinner with everybody after the convention as well. I did end up getting quite anxious and panicky though but after I chilled out I was fine.

So this year I was made an ambassador of the cvi society along with Art, who also presented a speech, this year and last year, about his life with CVI who is from Ireland. We are both young ambassadors for the cvi society. What I really enjoyed about the CVi society is meeting people like me, like this year I met HJ and her mum Maia and her dad Andy. She was really nice and shared my feeling of happiness to meet people like her.
Its weird because we're technically not part of the visual impairment world completely. Meeting more parents and professionals was lovely because, by imparting the struggles and things we've experienced and I guess it gives people a kind of idea of what kind of future their children could have, hopefully it provides them with ways to help them and to kind of hope and help them encourage their children with their hopes and dreams. Its hard to explain but that their is hope. I guess. Its weird. I had people come up to me and they said 'oh you'll be in demand' my mum was the one most people wanted to speak to. She was told what an amazing person she is. Of course I agree, she's my mum.

I met some really nice people, I'll be honest I'm not very good with names and faces so I can't remember everybody's names. It was really nice to put faces to names of people that you see on the forum and talk to.

I was on first again after the introductions, I had 15 minutes. I did come off thinking I had over ran but when I asked my mum, she said I didnt. I even met someone who's watched my videos besides my mum and Janet! She was really lovely and we had a long chat because she spoke about a project she's currently working on, stripping back the film industry in terms of the layers added to shows and filmas i.e special effects, sound, music. It can be quite disorientating for lots of people never mind people with sensory issues. It was a really interesting project. As I feel that at times, when its for example a really dark scene. I just want someone to lighten it up past what my screen can do. For example I love stranger things and it often has scenes outside at night and its really dark so I have my mac's screen brightness on full. But I need it even brighter. Also speaking of shows, I managed to put some recommendations out there. That people should watch orphan black, heathers both the movie and musical. Oh and Deaf West Spring Awakening. Some people I spoke to this year had even heard of them which I love even more! Thats when I really geek out and talk at a million miles a minute about how much I love them. I get like that, with things I love, like cats.

We had lots of different speakers, from professor Gordon Dutton and Richard Bowman to a lovely man who had come with his wife and son who had cvi and spoke of his experience as a father of having a child with cvi.

Also I don't know if you know this but I love shopping, and that literally over the road from the hotel was Cabot circus. A big shopping centre. So I did do some shopping. I think I was quite tame though for me.

I think my speech went well, I had people coming up to me and telling me it was really good and asking me how the whole acting thing is going. I was even asked if I would do a short Q&A type interview as a father who came to the convention is writing a book about seeing. So I was asked questions like, what I wish to see, the worst thing I've seen etc. So I could be in a book. If I am I will let people know.

Overall I had a really lovely time and cannot wait for the next convention. Got to get my thinking cap on otherwise I won't have a clue by the time it comes around. This year there was a theme of 'The new normal, what is normal?' And I found it made it easier to write the speech. I actually had a bit of writers block for this speech as I found I struggled to know what to say in response to the last speech I did. I felt I had said a lot and talked about myself and living with a visual impairment. I didnt want to repeat myself. I didnt want to copy the speech.

I am doing a blog on the convention for the cvi society website. So go read that.

So thank you for reading. I am going to Hamilton in December so I will probably write about it as I'm going on opening preview night. So the blog should be back up and running! Also thank you to the CVI Society again for everything they do, the CVI Society are a small charity and run by volunteers so if your thinking of fundraising for a charity, thing about the CVI Society. Because it would be amazing and the money would go directly to them and help them do their work and support more people. And spread the message of CVI

Thanks for reading,
until next time
Sophie

Paramore at the royal albert hall

Hi so I went to see paramore. I promise I will stop going on about it soon. At the royal Albert Hall. I know very fancy. I did question how that would go because The Royal Albert Hall and Paramore don't automatically go together. Its a place you associate it more with things like the BBC Proms.

But ironically it turned out to be the perfect place for them. I did go in the RNIB box so if you want a review of that, I did a review for the cvi society blog that I have over there -
I know this is a little late after the show, what a week or two, but I've been working on another paramore post that should be out around the same time as this.

I was originally sat in the disabled area and then I got the RNIB box tickets and as I knew my friend wanted go but didnt get tickets, who is also disabled, I asked him if he wanted to go. Even if we wouldn't be sat together, we would go out to eat first and then travel there and back.

We met at TGI Fridays in our local town because last time I arranged to have dinner in london before the concert I ended up missing one of the support acts. Also the prices, and service charge, is double. So we went to TGI Fridays and what happened as soon as my starter came out, I got it down my top. I also happened to be wearing a white crop top. Well done me! It was bruschetta so it left a massive stain down my top and so my mum spent 10 minutes wiping my shirt with baby wipes. Typical! I ended up deciding to buy a top from the merchandise, which they tweeted about what they had before , so I ate my dinner. We had a really lovely meal out. Then we got the train to london and got a taxi to Royal Albert Hall. The taxi ride was lovely, we drove through Hyde Park. It was really lovely as it was hot so everybody was out in Hyde Park. I mean the heat though also was so hot that people were sweating when we got into the Royal Albert Hall. The security at the show was super tight, you were only  allowed to enter the door stated on your ticket, which confused a lot of the staff when our tickets said two different doors. We also got bag searched and wanded. I always worry when they use the wand because my head has, not metal but foreign, equipment in. I mean my shunt has never made a scanner buzz before but I always hold my breath a little.

But we got through then we went to see our seats and then we went to go get some merchandise as I was self conscious of my shirt. I bought the tour dates shirt and the hard times t-shirt. I also got a poster which has touch wood finally stuck on my wall. One thing I must note, when I went to the bathroom to change my shirt I went in the disabled toilet and it was so blocked it was quite disgusting. We did report it to staff but still. Why is is that the disabled toilets are always in the worst hygiene standard? Who goes in there and makes it that filthy? It confuses me, how they're left to get in that state. Especially for people who actually need those toilets.

Then we got our drinks and by the time we got to the front of the queue, Kev, my mum and I were sweating. We then went to our seats. We took Kev to his seat and then we went to ours.

First up was bleached and Ive found in everywhere I've been in terms of concert venues I can never really get in to the support acts because I cant really hear. Like the sound always seems a bit off. Almost like they're figuring it out for when the artist comes on.
Then the main event Paramore came on at about 9:30 and from when they came on it just seemed to whizz by. I had my mum recording songs and taking pictures.  They played a real selection of all albums. Zac played his song Scooby in the back. I love his song Mountain, to be honest I couldn't really hear when they did Scooby in the Back. Weirdly enough. There was also a cover of Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac. When they sang Turn It Off though I did start to get a bit teary eyed because that album, I've talked about it enough, is an album that remains close to my heart. When I was in my lowest points. I related to the lyrics so much and to hear it then when I am in such a better place with my best friend who was there for me through it all. I felt like I had almost come full circle.
It was a moment for me but if ever they played misguided ghosts is when I'll end up full on sobbing.
What I love about Paramore's shows is that level of energy they have, they give each show everything they've got. The sense of community at their shows, they pulled up not just one but about 4 people to sing misery business. The roar of the crowd along with Hayley when she says 'We Are Paramore'. Because this band is family. People come to escape from everyday reality for a couple of hours to have fun be around strangers and friends alike. A place where everyone bonds over their love of music and a love of this band. Where anything outside doesn't matter. What matter is that you have a damn good time.

So I could go on forever about my love for paramore and I have tried to summarise it up in a separate post. Thats if I post it, it is a bit emotional. I also have a blog on the cvi society where I wrote about the venue itself, the royal albert hall.

So I don't know what the future holds for paramore. I hope its good. They deserve it but if they decide to end it here, I'm okay with that. I wouldn't want people to do something they don't love anymore, if it hurts too much. Because overall thats what I want for this band, to be happy. But obviously I'd love a new album and tour as well. I am determined to sing misery business!

Thank you for an amazing show Paramore.

Hope you enjoyed this, sorry its so long after I went to see them but other things got in the way.
Until next time.
Sophie

Some pictures -

Yeah this was taken on my phone so it's a bit blurry.

My mum always seems to take a picture of me, serious face. I think I still have the photo from the first paramore show. I was red in the face from screaming with excitement. 

Still into you

So today I want to talk to you about paramore. This band. Its hard to explain. Okay so I went to see Paramore at the royal albert hall in the RNIB box and if you want a review of that I have one on the CVI Society. So I have seen paramore 3 times, I wish it were more, but each time beats the last. There shows are something to be seen. They bring a sense of unity and joy. Like all troubles are left at the door.  As everyone can probably guess, they are my favourite band, have been since I was 12. There music is something I can always come back to and has helped me through a lot of hard times. Great pun Sophie. So witty. For me paramore are one of those occasions you cant pinpoint the moment, like the moment I first started listening to them or when I started to really like them. I just remember afterwards if that makes sense. I do know it was around the time I started getting into Twilight, I know but I loved them not just because of that. I remember visiting my brother when he first moved up north, it was just my mum and I and we were going out to dinner with him and his family. We ended up going shopping and I found Brand New Eyes. I know I listened to their albums backwards. I can't remember how I got riot. Then about a year later I got All We Know Is Falling as a secret santa present from one of my classmates.  In 2010 I was originally going to go to t4 on the beach, if you don't know what that is where were you? But I ended up being really ill so I ended up not going and having to sell my tickets. But around August/September Paramore announced they were touring and would play the 02 arena. I came home from school one day to a note pinned to my wardrobe. My mum had brought tickets. I mean I flipped out. When we went to the concert we actually ended up being really late, we missed f.u.n and we nearly missed B.O.B. Who when Hayley Williams came out to sing Airplanes I just started screaming. Like good screaming. I mean when paramore came on to perform I preceded to scream the whole concert. The people next to me were laughing because I was so excited. Safe to say I have gotten better at going to concerts. But an amazing thing about Paramore and something that I have always admired, is there ability to carry on. As a month after was when Josh and Zac left, which at the concert you would never have known. And it later transpired that it was something planned for a year before hand. I admired there ability to still put on a good show and you never knowing off these great tensions. I mean there was tension but you would not of guessed it would have ended in half  the band leaving.

I did wonder if paramore would continue and they did. Jeremy, Taylor and Hayley went and created the self titled era which I think after brand new eyes was exactly what was needed. I needed it. As at the time was when things kind of exploded in my life and I was picking up the pieces. Almost mirroring the situation of the band, their world had exploded and they needed to pick up the pieces. I loved the interludes. They almost had a hopefulness to them that I needed at the time. There was still pain but learning to move forward.

I went with my best friend to see paramore the next time they came back. 3 years later. I remember people used to question why I liked this band. People used to think I was strange. But they were a constant. School was not. I ended up making my friend a big fan of them. So we went and again you would never have told of any inner turmoil of the band.
Then about a year after, Jeremy left the band. To be honest I didnt really look into why he left. I know there is a legal case and to be honest thats really sad. For everyone involved.
That was when I really wondered whether paramore would come back and well they took 4 years out. In that time I grew up a lot and in terms of paramore Zac came back. They seemed to tease Zac's presence on the album and then when the announcement that he was joining paramore again. I was thrilled. I've always thought, besides my own brother. He is one of the best drummers I've heard.
Then soon after there was After Laughter. I feel although its beat it peppier, the lyrics are almost heavier then self titled era. Its almost like they've realised that they might never let go of the pain of the past so they're learning to deal with it.
I watched the beats interview and it was so fascinating hearing similar problems with friends and being your own person. Finding your place. It was something a lot of people struggle with. Losing friends and dealing with that. Depression and anxiety. Seeing this band you've kind of grown up with, its nice to see them deal with them. That it only makes you human. Then the fader interview came out with Hayley and it almost reiterated why I love this band. I find it hard to sum up. But then again I wrote all this so yknow there are some words.

I guess thats all I have to say really. This is my gushing about Paramore. If anyone tells you what you like is stupid or weird. Punch them in the face. No don't do that I'm kidding!! Know that that passion is unique and that love is amazing. What makes you different is amazing. As my mum often says to me, its what makes you you. And it would be pretty boring if we were all the same. Its true when Paramore calls it a family. I feel a part of something. Cringe I know. One day though that uniqueness and passion will help and work in your favour. It will give you something amazing. So don't let anyone tell you crap about anything if its important and special to you. Being different is cool. Being you is the only person you can be.
Hope you enjoyed because I did! I could talk about Paramore, and Orphan Black for hours, days even!

* So I wrote this right after I went to see Paramore and before news broke that Chester Bennington from Linking Park tragically committed suicide. Mental health is a serious issue, worldwide. Bands and music are a way of dealing and coping for some people but we must not forget about the mental health of the band itself. Nobody knows what happens behind closed doors, for anybody. We need to end the stigma, which I think we are slowly doing. But also offering better help and giving people advice. Before its too late.  And if you are struggling with your mental health. There is help out there.
- http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/what-speak-us-about/what-if-i-have-mental-health-issues

Sophie

Where have I been?

Long time no see. I know, I'm terrible at this schedule game. Well no thats a lie, its just life has suddenly got crazy busy. Well especially this week. This week I have had something every single day of the week except Saturday, today, hence having time to type this up. I wanted to write a blog post on it because my life could be about to get even more exciting.
So first things first I am in a new production with Identity. Its a 1 night only show based on eastenders. Which show night is in a couple of weeks so I have spent most of nights, instead of writing blog posts, learning and going over my script. I'm Pat, which yes I have found some earrings and got a faux fur jacket for!
Secondly, through becoming more busy, I've been asleep by 1:30am most nights. Which some people may think is still late but for me is early. I'm known to go to sleep at 4am some nights.


Okay onto the big deals. I am applying for college. But not just any old college, Chickenshed. Chickenshed is renowned for being a performing arts college for everyone. They are renowned for their inclusivity. I went to their open evening on Thursday, which I said to my mum was just like a bigger identity. Which is a positive. Sometimes you get a feeling that something is for you, and I got that feeling. Although we did have to leave before the show 'Blowing in the wind' otherwise we wouldn't have got home until half 11pm at the earliest and I needed to be up early the next day for Identity show rehearsals. I felt bad as the lady who organised the tickets got us seats nearest the front especially for me. Next time definitely. Well hopefully I'll be in the next one!  I gave in my application so I am waiting to go in for an interview. Because they don't pressure people into an audition, knowing that sometimes you can be the best but not perform well in auditions. *Update* I went for my audition and I am waiting to hear back. Fingers crossed.

Okay so the second biggie which is Sunday, I applied for NYT. National Youth Theatre. Yes I must be crazy. Okay so I didn't finish writing this on Saturday so its now Tuesday and I had my audition for NYT. We got there super early as on Thursday we were a little late so we didn't want to chance traffic. We got to the theatre an hour early. The theatre wasn't open so we had to wander down the road to find a cafe to sit in. When we got into the theatre and people started arriving I did have a moment of what I have I done. Because I was the only disabled person, I had my long cane. A lot of the people seemed to know each other. I felt a little out of place. But I preserved and after the initial wave of 'Crap; what have I done', I relaxed and just went with it. It felt a bit like identity, which had to be a good sign. We had a 3 hour workshop, which my mum sat in the theatre cafe drinking multiple cups of coffee, then we had a lunch break. We had bought food with us because we thought we'd save money only we couldn't eat food that wasnt bought from the theatre and we weren't allowed to really sit in the waiting area. So we had to wander and find somewhere to eat. We found a local pub and then had to go back for my audition. Each person had a ten minute slot to perform their monologue they'd chosen and have a little chat about themselves. I wasnt really nervous because I knew that chances are I won't get in but its not because they thought I was rubbish or because of my disability. It will be whether they don't have anyone like me already. We all sat in a little makeshift room and about 5-10 minutes before my audition I became really jittery and I thought I wouldn't be able to walk to the audition. But I did and I'll be honest i'm so glad I didn't quit or not go. I feel like my audition, although I cant remember half of what I said, I did my best. I don't think I fluffed up my lines that much, I gave my all in the workshop and I made them laugh which has to be a good thing. I'm proud of myself because a couple of years back I would never have done that. Just the idea of being in a room with my long cane on show in front of a bunch of people, would have been enough to scare me off. So I am just waiting now. I would urge people to apply for NYT. It is probably one of the best experiences I've had. Don't be deterred by thinking they won't let me apply I'm disabled, or in a minority that isn't best represented in the acting world. It states on their website that they want a company that is diverse as society is. Even if acting and performing isn't what you want to do it's a really good thing to do I think. And if I don't get in, which to be honest is more likely than not I will definitely be applying again next year. I read something that made me think as well, it was an article about diversity in theatre and saying that part of the reason that drama schools don't seem to be very diverse in their students is because nobody, out of the norm if that makes sense, has applied. Which is kind of my motto. How am I going to be able to say, I wasn't accepted if I don't try it. How does anyone set out to change things without putting their all in and persevering.

Speaking of auditions I have another one on Saturday for a London based drama group. I'm not going to go into too much detail as it hasn't happened yet but I'm not stressing and what ever happens happens. Obviously I hope it goes well and I get in but if I don't it'll be a nothing lost but a lot gained. *Update* I didn't get in but I will hopefully audition again. And to be honest I don't think I was ready as a lot of the people who were also auditioning had finished drama school or university. I think a majority of them were older than me. 

Casera sera whatever will be, the futures not ours to see. Casera sera.

Which I'll be honest I wouldn't have been like a few years ago.

So thats just a little update of where I've been. Between rehearsing for our show in Identity, which we did and I think was a success. We're now putting on another showcase which is exciting and I have a few ideas. I am also still continuing my school work which I'm looking to start taking my exams soon!
But yeah hopefully thats a bit of an explanation. Hopefully things will be more regular. Hopefully.
Sophie

BeautyCon - Is it too hyped up?

So I went to BeautyCon this weekend with my sister, Saturday 3rd December. We got the train literally as people were getting on the train after frantically running to the platform which was the other side of the station. I was breathless. I was sat for ten minutes on the train just catching my breath back after making that mad dash. I mean I was also exhausted because the day before I had a 5 hour rehearsal for the panto. Which is in less than 3 weeks now! Argh!
We got a taxi from kings cross to Olympia where it was being held. Cabbit are my favourites to use. They always offer really good prices, you can book your return as well. Which can make it cheaper. Their drivers are really nice, the cars are nice and they give you the option of taking things like luggage, foldable wheelchairs and well anything you could think of needing.
So we get to Olympia and there was a few people milling about and we thought we were 15 minutes early but we were allowed in. So we got our wristbands and goody bags and then we headed into the lift down to the event. It was really weird to be back and it be completely different to comic con.
So when we got to the place where it was being held in, there was a lot of empty space. There was about 5 stands and then go round the corner and there were about 10 stands. Less than I thought there was going to be.

Really I thought there would be more. Because we went around once and we were quite disappointed because a lot of the things on display you couldn't actually buy. A lot of the stands where just there with a lot of mirrors. There was only 5 stalls that you could actually get something from. No freebies and the goodie bags were hardly stuffed as it says on their website.

So I went and bought two brushes from a stand called Peach And Pearl, I was actually going to get 3 brushes but they came to £30 and I only brought £30 in cash because we were going shopping in Oxford Street afterwards. And I have a lot of brushes anyway. So I bought two brushes, one i'm not too sure whether to use it for eyes or concealer. Probably going to use it for my eyes. Then I got a small rounded crease brush.

The two brushes I bought. They do look really pretty. I have yet to actually use them.

Then we went and had another look round and got in the queue for beauty bay, who had one of the biggest queues of the whole thing. We were in the queue for about half an hour during that time my sister pointed out a youtube person who was presenting for something. Whilst we waited they ran out of one of the morphe pallets, which was what I wanted to buy. The morphe pallets for the amount of shades in the palette, for £20 is a bargain. But they had 3 different pallets so I had no idea which one to buy. So when we finally got to the top of the queue the lady said they had found more of the pallets they thought they had run out of. The Morphe 305. So the lady explained to me the difference in the pallets, which now makes me feel kind of stupid for not knowing. The morphe 305 is a mix of matte and glitter shimmer shades. The morphe 305 S is all glitter shimmer shades, hence the S in the name. And the morphe 305 M is you guessed it, made up of all matte shades. I can't believe I didn't twig that. I also bought a small pink z pallete and a makeup geek eyeshadow, I can't remember the name but its a baby pink shimmer shade. It looks really pretty on, is so pigmented and has fast become one of my new favourite eyeshadows.

I don't know why the photo went like that but the Makeup Geek eyeshadow in the Z pallete and my morphe pallete, all in a BeautyBay bag. 

My Morphe pallete

So then we had another look round but I was pretty worn out after the queue so I went to sit down whilst my sister had another look round.

One thing Beautycon could do better is accessibility, all the stands had lipped steps up. Which until you have a cane or something that makes things like that a ginormous pain in the backside. Also the seating, as my sister got the social package we were allowed in the vip seating. Turns out though when we went to ask about going into there, you couldn't access it until 1pm. Which makes things difficult for me if I can't sit down for a minute.
The seating for everyone was a couple of tables which were mainly occupied and some bar height tables with stools. I struggle with stools because they have no backs or if they do, they are too unstable for me. I cant relax on them because I have to concentrate on balancing on it. There was no easy seating.
Now I don't know whether everybody agrees with this but whenever I have gone to a big event and they realise I'm disabled they normally let me in the front of the queue. Queuing that long wiped me out. I'm not saying they should have let me get to the front because people had queued before me and quite rightly were in front, but maybe let me sit whilst I waited or a number ticket thing so when your number is called your next.
Also when I contacted them about disabled access and carer tickets I was told they don't do them but to contact the company directly. Which I think is a bit ridiculous, the tickets are quite expensive, to be paying the same price for someone who doesn't want to go but just needs support from that person.

My sister was hoping to meet some of her favourite youtubers, one of those being Saffron Barker but we soon found out through some twitter stalking that her meet and greet wasnt going to be until 4pm. I mean thats another thing that I found was insane that they weren't doing. Some visible lineup. A schedule of who's on and when. Especially for the people that don't have twitter or do but can't because mobile data and all that. It seemed bizarre to me that there wasnt. Especially after the last event I went to at olympia, Yalc and Comic Con, timetables where everywhere and there was clear signage and staff to help you.

My sister then came back looking quite disheartened so I said to her ' I know you want to meet her but she's not on until 4 and even then theres no guarantee you'll meet her.' It would be different if there was something to do until 4pm, it was about 1:30pm, but there wasnt anything that after a first look was worth staying for. So we left and got an uber to victoria secrets on  Mayfair. I think my sister also thought it was kind of unfair that all these youtubers got things free, had more things to do. Which I kind of see, because really what was there to do for everyone else. Its fine giving guests goody bags and things like that but offer something on par for everyone who paid to attend. I think last years event was better because there was more to do and interact with. More brands that you could buy from * I'm talking to you real techniques, all I wanted was a sponge!!* Hahah!

So we went to victorias secret, which was probably the busiest shop I've ever been to. I mean who knew underwear could be so popular. I brought a few bits in there and pink. I got the softest jumper and jogging bottoms ever. They're my outfit to go over and under my dress for the panto. But I realised that the amount I spent, although quite expensive, was quite tame considering we overheard one of the cashiers read out a total of £900. I mean £900 on underwear!! But I must say the lady in Victoria's secret who helped us was lovely, I cant remember her name but she was one of the only people to help me. Since Victoria's Secret was crammed with people actually finding what I wanted was really hard, well just walking around was hard, and I had people slightly pushing me and someone actually psychically kind of moved me and everyone stepped over my cane. I mean disabled people need underwear too! But this lovely lady came and asked me what I wanted and brought back quite a few options. Which I really appreciated. I remember my sister talking to her and saying everyone just kind of looked at me and didnt help and the lady said how she knew someone who had epilepsy and the amount of stares they got when they had a seizure in public.  And then the till was a nightmare, first we couldn't find and we asked someone, who let me say was a bit rude. Then when we got to the till, it was the narrowest aisle I have ever seen. It was one of those 'well this shop clearly is not open to everyone' because it really felt that way. But I don't care if I'm not their target market, everyone deserves to buy and shop where they want. Like I said disabled people want to have nice underwear as much as anyone else. We have a right to feel sexy, pretty, confident, we're allowed to feel good about ourselves.

Obviously I'm not going to take a picture of everything I brought in Victorias Secret  but I bought this jumper
and jogging bottoms and they are one of the best purchases I've ever made! 

I got them a size bigger so they could be quite loose.

Speaking of Uber as someone who has never used them before this, I found they were really good as I could track where it was and how far away it was. But at the same time I found as someone who doesn't really know London and doesn't know my way around London, if the taxi couldn't reach me, which happened on multiple occasions during the day I had to ring the drivers and have them direct me to where they were. Which I think if you are like me and are going as a tourist to London bear that in mind. But I also know that Uber can, although cheap, be very hit and miss.

All the shopping bags which all fit in the beauty con bag,

Then we got another uber to selfridges, we didn't go in, but I think we came out the wrong side of oxford street. We tried to find mcdonalds on oxford street and followed a map on my phone but turned out we missed it because it was down a little road on the other side of the road. So we decided to just go back to the train station and go to mac at st pancras and the new urban decay store in kings cross. I love them two stores because they have everything that a normal mac and urban decay store would have but smaller. I would definitely recommend them especially the new urban decay store. The staff are lovely, thats the second time I've gone into the st pancras store and the staff have always been lovely to me, and the store itself is well set out and spacious. Then we got a pret cheese and tomato croissant, which I love because it tastes like pizza. Then we got the train home.
When we got to our station, my mum picked us up and we dropped my sister home. When we got home I did buy myself a takeaway because I hadn't had anything to eat all day.

Must say that now there is a urban decay in kings cross I may be
making a few trips into there when I'm passing through!

All the things in the beauty con bag, on the website it said it would be stuffed but I wouldn't say it was stuffed, not even filled really. I am grateful for my sister inviting me but it was a bit of let down. More for her than me because she was really looking forward to it. The eye pencil from Pixie though is gorgeous. 

Overall I had a nice day but beauty con itself was a let down. If we had just arranged to go to beauty con it might have been a let down of a day. If we had known we would have gone later and stayed longer. I think we might go somewhere else next time. I did say about the clothes show or imats. But we'll see. By the way I did end up getting the sponges I wanted when I went shopping with my mum a few days afterwards!
Thanks for reading,
Sorry it was so late! As you can tell I wrote this in December and only just now remembered it!
Until next time,
Sophie

Mafiosa - The review

The day has arrived. The day I knew was coming when I first read Vendetta. Mafiosa, the 3rd book in the blood for blood saga was released.

 I ordered it a couple of days before release because I/my family were given a waterstones gift card for christmas, which is always a great gift. Free Books! And it finally arrived and I read it in two days. I couldn't put it down. I loved it and I probably would have read it quicker but I had visitors over the weekend. It is one of my favourite book series. Ever.
So I have written a review for each of the books, which I must say I look forward to writing each time. So what exactly i'm going to do when I finish writing this and theres no more books to write about, I feel a tear coming. I met the author Catherine Doyle, who I'm sure thinks I'm a slight stalker, I promise I am not, I went to the panel she held at YALC this year and it was really fascinating to listen to her and hear how she writes and what gives her ideas. I've always seen authors say to be a better writer, you have to read more books. But Catherine Doyle was saying its not just about reading more books, its about movies and tv. All media. Which is true, Suzanne collins herself is proof that it works. Its how she got the idea of the hunger games, flicking through the tv channels. It was also funny because when she was talking about scenes from movies inspiring certain scenes I knew what scenes she was talking about. It all made sense and I could see the inspiration. If that makes sense.

So little for warning this does have spoilers, don't spoil this series for yourself. Go read it. Its so good. So to avoid spoilers click off now and come back when you have read the series.  Just a warning!

See you in three books!



So Mafiosa starts off two weeks after the events of Inferno, wasnt that an emotional rollercoaster, and we are brought up to speed pretty quickly. Sophie is joining alliance with the Falcones, giving her protection from the Marinos but Sophie, she wants revenge for the murder of he mother. Sophie, naturally after the events of the past two books has developed PTSD. Her mothers death has made her vengeful towards Donata, her father and her uncle Jack. Its quite fascinating to see Sophie's character development  from quite a timid, sheltered girl to someone is strong, determined but ultimately knows she's living a lie. Everyone thinks she's coping so well but really she is just getting by day to day. I think Sophie thinks that by killing Donata and Jack, that pain will ease. That she will feel as if she has fulfilled her destiny and avenged her mum. It's a big transition from someone who, up until the end of the last book still had no idea how big a role her father and Jack played in the story.

Now Luca, Luca, Luca. My Bae. He has fallen in love with Sophie but is keeping her at a distance because two warring mafia families is not a recipe for a romantic fairy tale. But especially in this book his true character has been revealed. In vendetta he was dark and brooding and mysterious. In Inferno there were cracks of compassion and bravery and caring. Not forgetting humour either. But in mafiosa, gone is the dark brooding guy in Vendetta but a charming young man who is in a situation not by choice. This is not the path he would have chosen and he is just making the best of it. I still find what I said about Luca seeing himself in Sara. That they were two people stuck in situations not by choice but they stay because its the only life they know. Because its their family. Even if they know they could die. A life unfulfilled because its not the life they would choose. I love Luca, I find him an intriguing character, in his loyalty to his family. I was worried though that at the end he wouldn't save himself. I'm glad Sophie left and let Luca come to her. Made the choice for himself. Because ultimately that was who he had to chose for. To let himself be happy. And I am so glad that the book ended with him being happy.

Moving onto another Falcone brother Nicoli. Where do I begin with Nicoli? Well he didn't take Sophie's 'We're not good for each other' speech. He was trying desperately to prove to Sophie that he is a good guy. I loved each time Sophie was talking about Nicoli and Luca, the parallels between them. Nicoli is not ashamed of his family, he cherishes his blood history. He is blood thirsty and doesn't bat an eye at the thought of Sophie killing people. Whereas Luca knows that once she kills one person, the lines blur and that her mum wouldn't want that. That Sophie so far is untainted in that sense of the word. That it would change Sophie and it would stay with her forever. That if he had the choice he wouldn't be part of that. He knows the strain of the life he leads. I think that is a big difference between Luca and Nic. If they were asked to give up their life in the mafia, Luca would do it but Nic wouldn't. It reminds of Sophie saying to Nic at the end of Inferno about her changing to be who he wanted, she wasnt changing in a romantic manner but she thought that was what everyone wanted. Nic was telling her that was what she wanted to hear. That the only way to get revenge is to kill someone. But sometimes the best revenge is knowing when to let go and live your life.

Now this would be no review without one of my all time favourite characters and no I am not talking about Luca. I am talking about Millie. I want Millie to go down as an all time great character. She has a friendship with Sophie, a real true friendship. She has one liners that have me in stitches. She is just a good character. An all rounder. I love Millie. She was the one person Sophie could count on. Had her back and knew when enough was enough and that Sophie had to walk away. Before she completely lost herself. I loved that about Sophie and Millie's friendship, they trusted each other, there wasn't any secrets. They knew when each other was struggling, when each other needed help. But they also helped to normalise the situation and still act normal if that makes sense, to take Sophie's mind, kind of the drama. They put what was best for each other over what they wanted, especially when Millie told Sophie to go to the safe house, knowing that without some force she wouldn't go and that was what Sophie needed in that moment. Someone to wave the white flag and pull her out before the point of no return. To have perspective. She deserved her life and she needed to forgive herself.  I need a Millie in my life. Everyone needs a Millie in their life. I think Millie is the true MVP of this series.
Here are just a few of her one liners from this book - because in whole theres too many to list!

'You know for someone with such a romantic name, he's a real killjoy, isn't he? He's all, Ooh look at me, I'm sensitive and kind and i have a beautiful long name and BAM! Psyche! I'm going to shoot you, You know what I call that Soph? False advertising, and I'm pretty sure it's illegal. 

'How is your boo, or is it 'Bae' now. Or would it be 'murder bae'?

'I know its because your secretly in love with my best friend but you're too proud to admit it so you prefer to nag her because its the only way you can show her you care without freaking her out or encroaching on your brother who would flip out if he knew and probably would try to stab you for someone ludicrous reason he still thinks they might get back together, and don't worry you admit it right here so we'll just breeze on past this... anyhoo this is Cris...'                    

'You control you're own life, Sophie!

"I thank the universe every day for giving me a friend as good and loyal and kind as you are.'

'Its about hope. Its about happiness. It won't always be like this. I just wanted you to remember that.' 

 'I'm pulling you out Soph, you can come willingly, or you can come by your hair, but this world is about to implode and this life is not for you. I know that. You know that. Choose to recognise it. Please. Choose life. Choose happiness.' 'Try. Forgive yourself.'

We're the real love story here.'

Also can we talk about Valetino and Sophie's heart to heart. I thought it was lovely, showing he's ruthless because he has to be. That in his life he's had to toughen up. Then .... He was killed and I was shocked. I was really starting to get an insight into Valentino. He, being in a wheelchair I guess has probably been thought less of, so he's almost had to prove himself more. Be harder on people and himself. It was lovely to see him care so much about Luca, he wants Luca to be happy because he knows this is not the life he wants. He knows Luca loves Sophie.

YES LUCA SAID HE LOVED SOPHIE! My heart almost burst. The fact he said it in front of his family, Nic and Sophie. I just, I squealed with joy. Then that scene on the roof where Luca was talking about everything he would do if this wasn't his life. I almost shed a tear. I just want Luca to be happy, he is one of those people that you just want to be happy because he is not happy. He loves someone who because of his family, he can't say he's in love and be in love. He can't be a normal person in love and live his life. He deserves to be happy.

Felice, I find him scarily funny. Like he says things but the undertone of them is quite sinister, although he revealed his ulterior motive when Luca was injured and was going to kill him but Sophie got there first. I think it showed that under immense pressure, the most loyal of people can change and turn to an enemy. But we find out he never really supported his family. He thought he should have been the boss. Thats why he didn't do anything to stop Sophie's dad murdering Angelo and turned a blind eye to when Valentino was murdered.

Someone I did a total 180 on in the space of a paragraph was Sophie's dad. Now I know he's a bad guy, he's killed people, he killed the falcones dad but when it came down to it, he was there for Sophie. He saved her. It showed that deep down he never wanted for her to become entangled in the mafia. Then Nic goes and shoots him. I was a little devastated because I was hoping Sophie could have had more of a heart to heart. But I think he knew he was going to die and thats why he wrote that letter to Millie, again knowing the bond her and Sophie have. Knowing she would be the only one to save her. And that she needed saving. I think was a touching moment when Millie showed Sophie the letter.

The scene that really tore my heart was Luca and Sophie's goodbye before she left. I liked how Sophie knew she was being irrational thinking Luca wanted to get rid of her. Even though she knew he loved her and if it was his choice they would not be separated. But they both knew this had to happen. Sophie had to get away from the blood war. And Luca could leave it behind as well but it had to be his choice. But if he chose to stay he couldn't have Sophie there because he couldn't lose her. He would always worry for her safety and it would make him a target. He wouldn't be able to focus. Sophie would be even more of a target. They wouldn't be able to lose each other. I love what Sophie says to Luca, saying that by choosing to stay because he is anchored to his family even though knowing it will most likely end up getting him killed. That by choosing to stay and make decisions like sending Sophie away and not going with, he will end up losing himself. His soul, his humanity, his dreams and wants for his life.  He doesn't want this life. He knows its wrong. But yet he still succumbs to it and is sinking from it.

The last few chapters though, I seriously was not expecting that surprise. Evelina Falcone. And her daughter. That was the who was at the safe house. I think it again cemented that Sophie's dad although he had killed people, he was a good guy if that makes sense. He didn't kill Evelina, he saved her. I think it mirrors Sophie and Luca in a sense. He is the boss of his mafia family but he doesn't want that life. Same with Michael, Sophie's dad and how he saved Evelina. Gave back her life. Although he couldn't walk away and save himself, he could save her. He could change the outcome of her and her child's life. Thats why I was also happy that Luca left with Sophie, he changed the outcome. He decided to save himself. He wanted to be the sunlight for Sophie, like Millie is. He wants to be the good person she sees in him.

Oh I was a bucket of nerves finding out who was killed on the yacht. Where Luca was. Well he walked away. He put himself first. I loved the ending. They weren't able to save Sara and all the other casualties of the blood war but they were able to save themselves. To live a life they want. I mean Luca took Sophie to see Phantom of the Opera. Babe or what?! Where can I get a Luca seriously!!!

I do love the open ending as well that the Falcones, the ones that survived, are still out there. It adds a element of danger still but that Luca and Sophie are leaving that behind. The proof that Luca leaving didn't stop them from continuing. They carried on with their lives, just like Sophie and Luca will now do.

I find I'm never going to be able to talk about this book and this series enough. This book series was amazing. I just loved the characters, they were so defined but flawed. You could imagine them in real life. The writing style I loved. Just saying. I'm a little sad about it being over but if this is Catherine Doyle's first book series, well I'm looking forward to the next books written by her. I really recommend people go read this series. Its weird but people do have that one book or book series that just gets them, they love and would always return to. This is mine. Also I rereading them from the start now, because I can, so anything I did miss out in this review I will add because I didn't make notes this time. I know how rebellious!

Also if they ever make a movie of this, again just putting this out there. *Cough* Me! Me! *Cough*I will dye my hair blonde! Serious.

Thank you all for reading, I am now in a bit of a book mourning phase so I don't know what I will read after I have finished rereading them so any book suggestions would be appreciated.

Until next time, which will probably be after my birthday,
Sophie.

Goodbye 2016, You've been good 'un

So we're nearly in 2017, its so weird to think. I can't be the only one to think 2016 went a little too fast. This year for multiple different reasons has been, globally, a worse for wear year. We've had terrible news story after news story. It seems this year more than most there has been a lot of loss.

But personally this year has been really good for me. Don't get me wrong there has been some down moments but mainly theres been a lot of positives and I wanted to recap the best ones because one day I'll come back to this and reminisce because lets be honest my memory is shoddy at the best of times.

So to start off

ADELE - MARCH 2016

I mean where do you begin. My mum and I always said 'When Adele's next on tour we have to go see her.' We made that pact around the last time she toured back in 2012ish. When she did the round house and even then we knew the demand for her tickets and the price they were at. We got to the point where we thought she's never coming back but then came the advert. When I think everyone went silent across the world. Well I didn't I had to pause it and play it again because I thought I recognised that voice and ironically my mum was out the room. So I played it to her. And I think we both got very excited. She's bringing a new album out surely she has to do some tour dates!? Yes she did and we tried for the first set. To no avail. Then tried again and we got them! Adele live is something everyone should see. She's funny and when she talks its like she's your friend. But singing she's even better live then in recordings. Her concert was probably  one of the best I've been to. When the first bars of hello came on and her voice boomed through the 02 arena, for the first time at a concert I got goose bumps. I thought I'd cry. But I know how much my mum wanted to see her as well so it was nice that I was able to do that. We also stayed in the new intercontinental hotel right next door which I must say is very nice!

Next came

MY SPEECH IN PARLIAMENT - APRIL 2016

So back around febuary/march this year I was finishing up working with Sharon and Lisa from Blind Children when they asked me if I would present a speech as part of the opening ceremony event of their campaign week in parliament. They were campaigning to highlight the importance of habilitation training for visually impaired children and young people. As I know the importance of blind children and all the work they do for young people. How important habilitation is. I was more than happy to represent them and present a speech. Strangley enough, once my speech got the okay from the people I spoke to at blind children, I wasnt really nervous. It was really weird because we went through security and then we got escorted to the hall where people could campaign. The CEO of blind children uk spoke and introduced me. Then I got a little nervous. But I did it and I am really proud of myself. It was probably the only chance I will get to do something like that and speak in parliament. Its also something to add to my cv and when I go to college/university I can show all that I have done.  It was probably one of those 'Tell the grandkids' moment. Its also all the more poignant now that blind children uk will be merged into guide dogs to exist as one charity.

IDENTITY SHOWCASE - APRIL 2016

So the last few years I was at school I didn't participate in the school plays. So when I joined Identity I was a novice at performing. Only to my family. Also I loved singing but never said so or showed anyone. Also coming out of school my self esteem and confidence were rock bottom. So when it was mentioned about doing a showcase, I was all for it but balk, because I thought 'it won't actually happen'. Well fast forward to April and numerous rehearsing. It was the show day. Yeah it was actually happening. So when the show started It was going well but then I heard the music to defying gravity and in that instant I wanted to say I can't do it. We were told, if you want to back out you can but I thought, you can't do that 5 seconds before show time. I did it, couldn't look anyone in the eye because I was on the verge of tears. Shaking I came off stage and sat on my mums lap and proceeded to be in hysterics and have a panic attack. Although the audience were apparently crying with me!! The second song spoonful of sugar was better, I think because defying gravity has always been the one song I relate and go to. Like my dream is to be Elphaba. The song itself resonates with me, and I think people could see that. But once my songs were out the way I enjoyed it a lot. That performance will be ingrained in my memory, 1. for my reaction afterwards but mainly 2. When I left school I never would have done something like this and it proved to me I can do this.

Okay since I didn't want to post pictures of people in the group so I cropped this photo of the show. We were performing popular and we were becoming popular, hence the wigs! Its the only photo I'm posting of the show on here. Ive worked on my camera face since.


WALKING OVER THE 02 ARENA FOR BLIND CHILDREN UK - MARCH 2016 

I finally completed my new years resolution to raise money for blind children uk. A charity that I cannot thank enough for all the help they have given to me. Sadly though because blind children uk didn't have enough funding they have merged with guide dogs. Which is good because its all in one place from 0 - 100 but that also means less of the money going to all the services because there is now more services under the name. if that makes sense. But this is not to dwell on the sad things. Walking over the 02 arena was amazing, even if I did it in the wheelchair. Don't be fooled that is still a workout. My arms were so sore after from helping pull the ropes and holding onto the handlebars tightly. One upside of the climb and my vision. I couldnt see to the sides of me so I couldn't see down. Not that I'm afraid of heights. My mum is though, so much so she had to stay home.

Photo was before I got in the wheelchair and did the climb, for some reason I couldn't put this in the caption box without moving the photo.


IDENTITY HOLIDAY - APRIL 2016

So during the run up to the show we at identity all arranged to go on holiday together for the weekend after the show. A lot of the group went. We went to Hemsby. So at the end of identity we all started to make our way to Hemsby. We don't normally go on holiday because either money restraints or holidays are a lot of hassle. I mean between my brother and I holidays can cause so many issues so its just not worth going. But we all decided to go because everyone was going and we thought it would be fun. After a few bumps, like I got ill at the end of the holiday and threw up on the way home and my brother went home half way through the holiday. We had fun. Defiantly we would do it again *wink wink* If anyone wants to start the ball rolling!
Photo of my brother, mum and I on the beach.
WICKED - JULY 2016 

Finally the day arrived that I saw the musical that shaped my life. The musical that I want to one day be in. Wicked. That musical is the one musical that I relate to and love and will never tire of. The story is beautiful, the songs are incredible. Of course Elphaba is my favourite. We went to see it because someone in the home ed community, who arranges days out, arranged for people to see wicked. The tickets are normally quite expensive and thats part of the reason I hadn't been before. Because I didn't want to shell out the money, something always got in the way. 
When I saw it I was fine up until defying gravity and then I welled up. It was everything and more. Seeing Emma Hatton sing it amazingly, how could my performance top that. Then For Good, a few more bars and I would've cried buckets. I want to go see it again in the new year hopefully.

YALC - JULY 2016

So I was meant to go for the day in 2015 but I booked it for the day I was meant to help at my local library so couldn't back out. But this year I made it my mission to go. So I did, after multiple plan changes. Staying the whole weekend, to not, going all the days to going only two.  It was an interesting experience and I preferred Yalc to the comic con floors. I met some lovely authors whose books I love. Some even recognised me from me talking about their books. I mean my mum even messaged Catherine Doyle, I mean really you need to read the blood for blood trilogy. I'm hoping to go to the 2017 Yalc but again we will have to see.

FAMILY HOLIDAY - AUGUST 2016

Typical isn't it, you don't go on holiday in ages then you go twice in a year. At the end of August, my family, my two older brothers families all went to pointins in Wales. We all had a a lovely time. We're hoping to do something like this again in 2017, possibly get a big cottage for all of us. It was really nice as because my brothers live up north we don't see each other as often as we'd like and when we do its not for very long. The weather was on our side the whole of the holiday. Although we did get lost on the way there. Because our chalets were all next to each other we all gathered in ours. I'm really looking forward to our next family holiday.

Photo taken by me on holiday because I didn't want to post pictures of everyone.




CVI SOCIETY CONVENTION AND MY SPEECH - NOVEMBER 2016

The CVI Society is a charity organisation and my mum and I part of the Facebook group. So when I did my speech in parliament, my mum posted the video on the group and they asked me if I would do a speech at their annual convention. Where parents and professionals listen to speeches and workshops. To gain information into cvi, which is one of the more common types of sight loss but probably one of the lesser known about. We went up the night before the convention because it started early in the morning. We did a bit of shopping and had dinner with everyone who had arrived the night before. We met Janet, the founder of the cvi society. It was really lovely to meet her and put a face to names. I think I chatted people's ears off. My mum said I sort of spoiled my speech because I kept saying about things that I put in my speech. I kind of ran over on my speech but no one seemed to mind. People seemed really interested in what I was saying, I think because a lot of the parents had children much younger than me and they don't quite know what the future holds. But seeing someone with CVI and my life. It gives them an idea of what could be. It was also lovely to meet fellow young people like me with CVI. I'd never met anyone quite like me before so it was really lovely. I'm defiantly going next year!

Picture I took outside the hotel of the water fountain.
BEAUTYCON - DECEMBER 2016

So this was something I didn't plan on going to. My sister invited me. I had an alright time. I have written a blog post about it which will be on here after the new year. I did quite a lot of shopping, which when its about 2 weeks to christmas. Nightmare crowds! It was an alright event, beauty con, but I don't think I'll go again. I think we might go to something like IMATS or the clothes show.
IDENTITY CHRISTMAS PANTO - DECEMBER 2016

So we did it. We did the panto, it went really well. Especially the second show because everyone had nerves the first show and went on stage and each time everyone came off stage we all said its not as bad as we thought. And on the second show I could look at people without welling up. After all the hard work we put in, each and every one of us. Some people even bought tickets after coming to the first performance and enjoying it so much. I cant wait until the next show. I invited Sharon and Lisa from Guide Dogs/Blind Children UK, it was nice that they could see how far I had come since habilitation training at the beginning of the year and the last show they came to where I had my panic attack and cried.

Photo of my costume + makeup + Wig = Snow White

MY 18TH BIRTHDAY - JANUARY 2016  

So I finally turned 18, a age I technically shouldn't have saw considering I nearly died as a a baby. Its been a rollercoaster 18 years old, with quite a few low moments. Medically Its been up and down. But this year has been my best medically as well, yes I had the growth hormone diagnosis but I don't class that as a bad thing because I finally have an answer to why, for example, I'm so tired. I'd like to think its working, I sleep less now! My headaches have been so non existent I can't remember the last one I had. Then again with my memory is that any surprise. My birthday was really good, I had all my friends and family, my brother even came down with his family for my brothers and I's birthday.



So in a year where globally there has been so much pain and heartbreak. That 2017 is still in some sense quite unknown. I just hope that 2017 builds on this year. Because I've had a couple of really rubbish years so it would be nice to have good years to come.



This year the world lost a lot of people, I lost a school friend, who wasn't that much older than I was. She was such a lovely person, and she packed so much into her life. So many people turned up for her memorial service, she was so loved.  

Another person/animal I kind of lost was my brothers girlfriends cat. I loved Ollie the cat, he was an old cat and only had a few teeth but he had a good life. I was even going to buy him a christmas present! Some people might think why are you mourning an animal, it wasnt even your pet, but If I were in that position I would want someone to sympathise with me. Animals deserve mourning as much as humans.

I've even done really well on my new year resolutions as well,

So this year I don't really have any new years resolutions except
1. Be happy 
2. Do more charity work
3.Be more confident and believe in myself. Be kinder to myself.
Yeah lets see if I can do those, Fingers crossed. I would of put read more books or get better at blog post deadlines but I want to actually hopefully keep to my new years resolutions, and I don't think I would be able to achieve those two. LOL!

 I think I'm going to keep those resolutions because I still want to do more charity work, I hope once the process of getting a PA/Carer  is done, I will be able to volunteer for Cats Protection. Yes I am in the process of getting direct payments for a Carer, I might do a blog post on the process, because its been a bit of a long one. I want to work on being more happy and confident. Again reading books and blog post deadlines are still ones that probably won't happen.


One resolution I want to add is, to work on my GCSES to get the best possible grades.  Because I want to get into college/drama school. I want to start a new part of my life if that makes sense.

I hope everyone has a lovely start to the new year and heres to 2017!

Until next time
Sophie x